She drew in a deep breath. Was she crossing the line? Did it matter? After all, she wasn’t about to back down. “I’m not going away.”
He turned toward her. “You never told me you were stubborn.”
“You never asked.”
He nodded, then motioned for her to take the seat opposite the desk. She did. He settled into his chair. “It’s going to sound really stupid,” he warned her.
“I doubt that, but I promise to listen anyway.”
He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “It was Sasha. She tilted her head a certain way and in that split second, I saw my brother in her.”
“She’s his daughter. Why does that surprise you?”
“Because I never got it before. I knew in my head that she was John’s child and my niece, but I hadn’t internalized the information. I’d always thought of her as a person in her own right.”
His gaze slid down until it met hers. “I never bothered to come visit them,” he said quietly. “They lived less than two hundred miles away, but I was always too busy. I thought there would be time. So birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases went by, all without me. And now it’s too late.”
Cassie’s heart ached for him. He’d finally realized his brother was really and truly gone. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“Thanks.” He paused. “I wish I’d done things differently.”
The light from the floor lamps added depth and shadows to his strong face. His eyes were haunted by the pain of actions that would never be.
“You still have Sasha,” she said, knowing it was a small comfort, although it was the only one she had to offer.
“I know. I still don’t think I’m the right choice, but I’m glad they didn’t leave her to anyone else. She’s all that’s left of my brother.”
“No,” Cassie told him. “You have all the memories you carry around inside yourself. Those will always be with you.”
He leaned forward. Some of the tension left his body. “You’re right. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it’s true.” He smiled. “Thank you, Cassie. You’re very insightful.”
It was, she knew, her cue to leave. So she wished him good-night and walked out. After closing the door behind her, she leaned against the thick wood and reminded herself it was just a crush. Nothing else. But at this moment, still feeling empathy for his pain, it felt like much, much more.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“CAN YOU smile?” Ryan asked as he adjusted the focus on the camera.
Sasha obliged him by placing one hand on her hip, gazing up at him and giving him a big grin.
“Very nice,” he told her. “You’re a beautiful princess.”
Sasha twirled around, then settled to the floor in a cloud of pink fabric. “Pincess! Me pincess.”
“Yes, you are a princess,” Cassie said, moving forward and straightening Sasha’s glittery cardboard crown. “The loveliest princess who ever graced a Halloween evening. Look at Uncle Ryan. He wants to take more pictures.”
Instead of following instructions, the toddler held out her arms for a hug. Cassie knelt down and gathered her close. “You’re going to have fun tonight,” she told the child.
Ryan looked through the viewfinder of the camera and took three quick photos, then chose not to look too closely at his motives for doing so. Why would he want photographs of the nanny? Except he knew deep down inside that Cassie was more than that. Over the past few days, she’d also become a friend.
His conscience battled it out over conflicting needs and moral obligations. As his employee, Cassie was entitled to his consideration. As a friend, the same rules applied. The fact that he saw her as a desirable woman put a difficult spin on everything. He still respected her and wanted to pay attention to what was right, but he couldn’t stop noticing her, thinking about her, needing her.
She didn’t wear perfume, but a soft, clean feminine scent clung to her and drove him crazy. During the day he could hear her moving around the house and he wanted to go find her and be with her. He thought about her when he was supposed to be concentrating on work. The more he tried to dismiss her from his mind, the more she seemed to invade his every thought.
If she’d been just a pretty face, he probably could have forgotten about her fairly easily. But she wasn’t trying to get his attention. Most of the time he figured she thought of him as her uncle Ryan, as well as Sasha’s. She treated him like a much older, distant relative. Obviously the nearly nine-year age difference meant a lot more to her than it did to him.
So even as he took a couple more quick pictures of her, he told himself he had to let this fantasy fade. It was nonproductive and only left him aroused and restless.